i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
