How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
