My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
