I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
