Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
