Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
