is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
