the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
