Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
