Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You may now shotgun with the bride
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Randomize
