did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
