today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
