I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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