Buhtt sex?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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