I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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