2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize