smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
