when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
