Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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