I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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