I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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