my phone needs a breathalizer
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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