I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
