I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
