Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
