Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
