someone get that fucking seahorse.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
