There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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