I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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