Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
