Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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