i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
