someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
