Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
