I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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