Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
