Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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