I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
