I wannas sexs uuuuu
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Randomize