Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
