shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
