Three words: puerto rican gang bang
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize