Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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