Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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