you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
