it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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