i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
