I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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