How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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