if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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