sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
