Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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