Ketchup is God's man juice
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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