you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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