I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
