What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
