dude i'm inner monologue high
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize