dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
