so that wasnt chicken after all
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
