dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
