ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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