T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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