i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
